Disappointment is Just an Emotion
by DARKSOMEONE41
Summary: Ross has been tearing at his arm due to an itch, but maybe it's not just an itch...maybe it's an urge. Rated T for Mature Scenes. IRL POV. Two-shot


**Hello my Mortem Venators! Okay. So first off, I just want to say that I am so, so, so sorry this took forever to get out. This is the last chapter of Updating Week (more like Updating Month) and I really do hope you enjoy. This was supposed to be a one-shot and another was going to go with it for another story, but it would've taken too long and it would've gone into December. So I really hope you enjoy. If you do, please leave a nice little review telling me that you liked it. Until then, stay safe, take care, God bless, love ya, and...DARKSOMEONE41 SIGNING OUT! SEE YA!**

 **Disappointment Is Just An Emotion**

Ross strolled into the media offices, yawning as he passed Jin. "Hey, Jin," he greeted as he passed by, rubbing his forearms.

"Hey, Ross," Jin greeted back, equally as tired.

"How long have you been here?" Ross asked, turning around to face his friend.

"About a half hour. The editors got here first. Pretty sure it's been a couple hours for them."

Ross nodded. "Where's John and Adam?"

Jin glanced at him."They're both on their way. Why?"

Ross shrugged. "Just asking."

He started to walk away when Jin asked, "Are you okay?"

Ross turned around. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

"You keep rubbing your forearms."

Ross looked down at his long-sleeve covered arms. "They just itch. Nothing much."

Jin stood silent for a moment. "And you look...Never mind. Just know that you can talk to us, okay?"

Ross blinked and stared for a second. "Uh, yeah. Okay. Thanks, Jin."

Jin nodded and watched Ross leave to his office. He took out his phone and added Adam and John into a group chat. " _You guys on your way?"_ He texted.

The reply from Adam came back fairly quickly. " _Just said goodbye to Mason. What's up?"_

John's reply came while Jin was in the middle of texting back. " _On my way."_

" _I'll ask you when you get here. Come to my office."_

" _Okay."_

Jin sighed and grabbed his cup of coffee before leaving to his office. He passed the editors and saw Tim sleeping at his computer. Jin smacked him softly in the back of his head, startling the editor awake.

"Wake up and go get a cup of coffee."

::::TIME LAPSE::::

Adam and John walked through the doors at the same time and headed up to their offices. As they walked, Adam asked,

"Do you have any idea why Jin texted us this morning?"

"No. You?" John asked, voice thick with his accent.

"Maybe he wants to go...I have no idea."

John thought for a moment. "Now that I'm thinking about it, Ross wasn't in the group chat."

Adam took out his phone and looked at the members in the group text. "Oh yeah! He wasn't invited. Weird. Do you think Jin wants to talk about Ross?"

Adam and John walked through the hall to their offices. "That seems a little mean, don't you think?" John replied.

Adam thought about it. "Yeah. Jin wouldn't do that. Huh. Well, let's go see."

The duo passed by the editors, noticing that Tim was once again sleeping. Max passed the two and watched them stare at Tim.

"Jin smacked him earlier, too."

Adam looked at Max. "What?"

Max shrugged. "It wasn't hard. It was a small smack and he told Tim to go get coffee. Tim doesn't listen."

"Barney, go wake him up," Adam snickered.

John stared at him. "What? You do it."

"I'll do it." Max walked to the bathroom and returned with soap all over his hand. "Move, Adam."

Adam, John, and the other editors watched in amusement as Max crept up on Tim and smacked the male hard on the face. Soap splayed across Tim's face and the editor jumped up, nearly knocking over his computer. By then, Max was already locking himself in the bathroom, yelling,

"ADAM, BARNEY, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?!"

Adam, John, and the editors were laughing as Tim gingerly touched his red and soapy cheek, glaring furiously at the bathroom door. Jin and Ross came rushing to the others, worry written on their faces. Realizing nothing was wrong, the two began to look confused.

"What happened?" Jin asked, laughing at the soapy Tim.

"Max put soap on his hand and slapped Tim awake hard," John laughed.

"He barricaded himself in the bathroom," Adam chuckled.

Jin smirked at Tim. "I told you to go get a cup of coffee."

"I had three!"

Ross blinked. "Well then."

Adam patted Tim on the back. "Sleep more," he snickered. "And go to the kitchen to clean yourself off. Max isn't leaving the bathroom anytime soon."

Tim growled at the bathroom door before heading to the kitchen.

Adam banged on the bathroom door. "Hey, Max! We're all going out for lunch later!"

"Nah! I'll just order in!" Max replied. Adam laughed. "Hey, Adam?" Mac called in a babyish voice.

"Yes, Maxie dear?" Adam mocked.

"Do you wanna do me a favor?"

"It depends."

"Can you bring my office over here?" Adam snorted and walked away with Jin and John. Ross stayed behind with the editors. "Adam? ADAM!"

::::IN JIN'S OFFICE::::

"So what's up, Jin?" Adam questioned. "Why were we called here?" Adam pushed left and right on Jin's swivel chair, holding Muffin.

Jin was leaning against the wall across from Adam. "When Ross walked in today, he was rubbing his forearms a lot. When I asked, he just said they itched, but his face looked really tired too."

Adam and John glanced at each other in confusion.

"That's it?" John asked from his spot against the door.

"Oh come on, guys! You aren't at least a little bit concerned?" Jin interrogated incredulously.

"I mean, we would be if something else had happened," Adam shrugged. "I don't think it's that big of a deal. His arms itched and he was tired. It's understandable."

"Yeah but…"

Adam held up a hand. "Jin, I understand where you're coming from. Knowing you for years, this is something you'd be concerned about. But what you're implying here is insane!"

"Adam, I'm not implying anything! I'm just saying that it seems suspicious!"

"What would be suspicious about it? His arms itched and he was tired," John asked.

Jin threw his hands up in the air. "Listen, I don't know how to explain it, but this doesn't feel right!"

Adam gently placed Muffin back down in its spot. He clapped a hand on Jin's shoulder. "Okay. Barney and I will keep an eye out. I believe you. But just promise me you won't jump to conclusions. This seems a little absurd."

Jin nodded hesitantly. "Fine. Promise me you won't tell Ross."

"We won't," John answered. "It's gonna be okay. Ross is fine." He opened the office door and was waiting for Adam to leave with him.

"We'll figure this out, Jin," Adam promised. "If it is something big, you, Nick, Barney, and I will figure it out."

"Tell Max for me, please."

Adam nodded. "Yeah." John and Adam left the office and closed the door.

As the two walked to their respectives offices, they watched warily as Ross tried to coax Max out of the bathroom.

"Do you really think something is wrong with Ross?" John asked Adam.

"There's always a chance Jin is wrong," Adam replied wearily. "But Jin has never been wrong about this. That's what I'm terrified of."

::::AT LUNCH::::

Adam banged on Max's barricaded office door. There were boxes of unopened fan made gifts blocking the door, and he knew Tim wouldn't dare to knock over those boxes.

"Max! We're going out for lunch!"

"I'll be here!"

"Max, get your ass out here! We're going out now!"

"Wow, Adam. I fear for Mason's future," Max responded.

" _Max._ "

"Okay, okay, I'm coming. But I'm wearing a fan made bracelet and necklace."

"Fine, fine. I'll tell Tim to hold back on tackling you."

"ADAM!"

"MAX, HURRY UP! WE'RE STARVING!"

Max pushed away the boxes gently and stepped outside next to Adam. "So I got your text about Ross," he began quietly. "Do you think Jin's just being paranoid?"

"I really do hope so, Max, but I don't think he is."

::::AT LUNCH::::

Ross scratched at his forearms. They had been itching a lot today and he had been clawing at them during recording too. When he had pulled back his sleeves, he saw that his arms were a bright red and he had nearly peeled his skin off to the point where blood would start seeping through.

He also had this ache. His chest felt kind of tight and claustrophobic. His breathing was fine, but it felt like something was squeezing his chest from the inside like a boa constrictor tightening around its prey...and he was the prey. He had tried to stretch it out, he even tried to massage it, but the ache wouldn't go away.

He knew Jin was a little concerned since he had asked about it earlier, but the older male hadn't talked about it since. He probably just brushed it off as temporary.

Adam and Ross were sitting at a table in the fast food restaurant, waiting for the others to return with their meals. Adam noticed Ross's incessant scratching and decided to speak to him about it.

"Ross, you okay, man?" Adam questioned, glancing uneasily at Ross's covered arms.

"Yeah. My arms are just itchy."

"How long have you been scratching at them?" Adam asked incredulously.

"All day. It's annoying," Ross answered.

"Let me see." Ross handed his left arm over to the elder male, and watched as Adam pulled back his thin, brown sleeve.

Adam stared at the angry red marks that clearly showed where Ross's fingernails had dug into his skin, effectively peeling some skin away. "Ross! What the hell, dude?! Scratch more and you'll start bleeding!"

Ross pursed his lips. He knew he should stop scratching, but the pain was so annoying. It wasn't going away! "I can't help it. It's just there."

"Yeah. I know what an annoying itch feels like, but you can't keep clawing at your skin! You can end up leaving a scar." Adam sighed. "We'll stop off at a nearby pharmacy and see if we can grab something for your arms because you can't keep scraping your skin off, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay," Ross agreed, slightly annoyed at Adam's overprotectiveness. Suddenly feeling self-conscious of the red marks, Ross pulled back his arm and covered it over with his sleeve, pushing his hand below the table.

Adam sighed. "It's nothing to feel self-conscious about." It was almost as though Adam had read Ross's mind. "Just stop scratching before you make yourself bleed. The last thing we want you to do is hurt yourself."

"I know. It's just…" Ross trailed off.

"Just what?"

Ross was about to speak again when the others returned, trays in their hands. Tim was glaring at Max, who was smirking smugly.

Jin placed Adam's food in front of him. "Tim's pissed because Max is wearing fan made gifts."

Adam snickered. "Tim will get his revenge."

Jim laughed. "The Revenge of Tim-Tim."

Tim looked over at them. "Guys, really?"

Jin looked over at Ross, who had his hands in his lap and was thanking Max as the man set down his lunch. "How is he?" Jin whispered to Adam, sitting right next to him.

"He kept scratching at his arms. When I took a look at them, he tearing off the skin and it was really red. He was on the verge of bleeding."

Jin let out a deep breath. "Right. Yeah. I'll tell Barney later."

"I'll tell Max."

::::BACK AT THE MEDIA OFFICES::::

Ross walked into the bathroom and pulled back his sleeves. Him and the others had stopped off at local pharmacy and Adam had grabbed him a cream when he went to buy diapers for Mason.

Ross had used the anti-itch cream, but the urge to scratch still hadn't gone away. Realizing now that even medicated lotion wouldn't help, Ross began to realize it was internal. He was beginning to realize that he had been drowning in a sorrow since yesterday. Since the day that-

There was a knock on the bathroom door. Max's voice came through. "Ross? Are you still using the bathroom?"

"No," he called back.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Uh, sure." Ross rolled down his sleeves carefully to avoid pain and stepped outside, standing next to Max.

"Walk with me, young one," Max suggested rhetorically, leaving Ross behind.

Ross blinked in surprise for a moment before jogging to catch and falling into walking step next to Max. "What is it?"

Max's face dropped. "I'm concerned about you, man."

Ross furrowed his eyebrows. "W-Why?"

Max looked at Ross with slight pity. "You look like me when I found out my father died."

Ross blinked in surprise. It hadn't been long since Max's father died. No one had expected him to talk about it so soon. They were all giving him some time. "What do you mean?"

The man raised an eyebrow. "I mean, you look tired and just... _done_. You're through with life. What's going on, dude?"

Ross looked down. "It's nothing. Just one of those days where you're sad, but you don't know why."

Max led Ross into the younger's office and pushed him into his chair. He then leaned against the wall and stared at Ross, who was forced to look down and away from the piercing gaze. "Ross, don't lie to us. You can lie to me, you can lie to the editors, but Adam, Jin, and Barney don't deserve this."

"If I can lie to you, why are you with me?" Ross questioned quietly.

"I can still be here, but you don't have to tell _me_ the truth."

There was silence for a moment.

"There's nothing wrong, Max."

Max was quiet for a moment before smiling. "So you decided to lie. I respect that." He clapped a hand on Ross's shoulder. "Good luck, Ross. Just remember: Don't you dare lie to Adam, Jin, and John. They care about you way too much to be lied to. It isn't fair to them. See ya at home." With that, Max left the office and headed to his own.

After his friend had left, Ross immediately regretted his actions. The empty feeling seemed to grow inside of him more once Max had left. It was like a sixth sense made to gather the feeling of death and foreboding. Ross was confused. Today was like any other day, so was yesterday, so why was he so upset, so torn up, so broken?

Ross just sighed as Max's words sunk in: " _Ross, don't lie to us. You can lie to me, you can lie to the editors, but Adam, Jin, and Barney don't deserve this."_

Did the male think he and editors weren't as close to him as him, Jin, Adam, and Barney? That certainly wasn't true. The fact that it was even thought of was absurd.

' _We are a family. None of us should be left out or feel excluded...Max is like a brother to me. He's offered me a home and company. I'd hate for him to think that I hate him or think less of him than Adam, Jin, and John. Max, I'm_ _ **sorry**_ _.'_

Great. Ross had yet another demon to deal with. One he will see at home every day...and one that he has to face every time he looks in a mirror.

::::HOURS LATER::::

Ross and Max walked through the door to their home, sighing in relief as they stretched onto their couches. It had been a long day in the office. They had been working all day and taking a load off sure helped for a while.

Ross's arms still ached, but he was learning to control the urge to scratch and tear. Max looked over at the young male sitting opposite of him. He reached over and poked Ross with his foot. Ross looked back.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Max asked as if the conversation earlier never happened.

"Uh, sure. I'm just gonna go use the bathroom. Pick something while I'm gone." Max nodded and began to scroll through Netflix as Ross left.

Once Ross was gone, Max sighed. It was really eating away at him how Ross just wasn't...Ross. He hated having to look at the face he had been wearing for the past few weeks since his father died. At least everyone had known what was wrong. They were still concerned about him, that's just how everyone was, but they all knew he would be okay.

Ross, on the other hand, hadn't told anyone what was bothering him. He was keeping it bottled inside. The editors and the YouTubers knew something was killing Ross from the inside, but no one knew why. He hoped Ross would tell someone something soon, but the chance seemed unlikely. Maybe...Maybe Ross didn't know what was wrong either…

It was like when Max's father died and how Max had this feeling something was wrong before the call even came. Thinking back on it made Max sick. His stomach turned and he felt nauseous. The thought of his father alone in that dark casket...forever...rotting away...the creatures of the earth eating away at him...his baby blue suit becoming dirty...dusty...in a closed space...his father was claustrophobic…

Max jumped off the couch and threw the remote onto his seat simultaneously. He raced to the kitchen and threw up into the trashcan. Thank God he had just thrown out the trash that morning, and he didn't have to smell the week's garbage as his own vomit filled the black plastic bag. He heard footsteps and they stopped at the kitchen doorway.

"Max!" Ross's voice sounded, and the footsteps came rushing beside him. A gentle hand was placed on his back and began to move up and down, slowly massaging his back as he vomited. Tears streamed down Max's face. This day was _not_ going well. And his father...Oh God.

Max slowly pulled himself away shakily as he stopped vomiting. Ross handed him a napkin and Max wiped his face before throwing it away. The younger male led the older to the couch,sitting him down before placing his hands on Max's shoulders.

"Max, you okay?" Ross searched Max's glazed over eyes with his concerned ones. "Are you sick? Do you need anything?"

"No. I'll be okay, Ross. I just had a...disturbing thought is all," Max answered, waving a hand slightly in dismissal. Ross let go of him and let Max lay down on the couch.

"Wanna talk about it or are you okay?" Ross questioned, unsure of what he should do.

"I'll be okay. What about you? Did you cut your piss short to come check on me?" Max joked.

Ross laughed. "No. I had already finished by the time I heard you."

"You didn't wipe your ass? Gross."

Ross chuckled. "I did. I swear. I was _leaving_ the bathroom when I heard you running then throwing up. So, I came to you."

"Well, thanks, buddy," Max replied. "Now sit down so we can watch the movie."

Ross agreed and went to his couch, laying down on the soft cushions. Max was about to select a random movie when he caught something in the corner of his eye.

Red was staining the brown sleeves and Ross didn't seem to notice. What he said next startled Ross, and even the teen looked confused at what he was seeing.

"Ross, what the hell happened to your arm?!"


End file.
